Words I Couldn't Say
by ObessedTWFan
Summary: After all the years she's been gone, he could still remember her clearly. Sandle  sort of.


**_A/N: _**Had this finished for months now, and forgot I even had it until I was searching for another fic that I couldn't remember the name of, found some good ones too. Found the fic I was looking for but thought I might as well post this one too before the season premiere next week. I don't own anything. Let me know what you think. :) Bit different from what I usually write but I'm thinking of trying something different.

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_**Las Vegas 2061,**_

_Gregory Sanders, 84, passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon in the presence of his family at Brookside Nursing Home. Gregory was the son of the late Richard and Shirley (nee Olaf) Sanders formerly of San Francisco. Predeceased by wife Annie (nee Dickerson) of Las Vegas. Survived by daughter Mary Ann (nee Sanders) Walsh and husband David; Son Brandon and wife Kathy (nee Tillson) Sanders. Services will be held on May 22__nd__, 2061 at Oneida Baptist Church. Funeral followed by burial at Sunny Meadow Cemetery. _

**6 Days Previous**

Old age made his bones ache, the long hours of bending pouring over scene many years ago made his legs weak and unable to stand on them for any length of time, his skin full of age spots, wrinkly and dull. Wrinkles set in over his face, years of both laugh and worry lines etched deep in his skin.

As he watched a squirrel from his third floor window, he couldn't help but think that in life all anybody ever did was search for something that we never knew we had until the very end, which he knew was coming, he could feel it in his bones he didn't have much longer to live; and he was just tired of life.

He gave up and let himself go, the stroke a year ago had gave him a wake up call and everyone he loved minus his two children was on the other sides of the pearly white gates. His friends, colleagues, and even his first love, along with his last love were they're waiting for him.

Ever since he had seen Titanic he had wondered if you were to die and the person that you thought you couldn't live with out and loved with all your heart had died before you, and so had the person you married, which one do you spend the rest of eternity with? He was about to find out he guessed it was only a matter of time.

**2007 and later**

They were all wearing thin, even a blind person could sense that, everyone seemed to be more moody, more willing to argue than normal, made they were all reaching mid-life crisis's or just fed up with the bullshit that life gave them, he really wasn't sure but it was only a matter of time before something happened that would change everyone's lives forever he could feel it.

His last case had hit closer to home than he ever wanted it to, and it gave him a new sense of hope that everything he ever wanted was right there waiting for him he just had to reach out and grab it.

So he took his chance inviting her over, changing his sheets everything because a guy can dream that the woman of their dreams would confess that they felt the same way. Only it hadn't turned out like that, he had kissed her; he knew he should have waited and actually let her get in before he kissed her but he was too ecstatic of her being there he had kissed her flat on the lips and it just once a silly peck either he had kissed her a good one before she pulled away whispering that she was with Grissom, she was sorry but she didn't feel anything for him but friendship and had left. There was so much more he wanted to say but couldn't he should have called her back pleading his case but remained silent.

Three days later she had been kidnapped and killed when the demands were not met, something he felt like ringing Grissom's neck for, he would have promised them the world if he could just get her back, but Grissom's plan was the same as the FBI, and CIA and all the other government agencies, _we don't negotiate with terrorists _and that's what the woman had been deemed as. A terrorist for killing innocent bystanders who chose a way of life that she did not agree with.

His world had came crashing down then, and from that day it got darker and darker until he didn't know which way was up nor down, left or right and he was failing his job, missing things, criminals were being set free before he admitted her death affected him way more than it should have.

He had made the first step after he was told to get help, making weekly appointments with a therapist, telling a stranger everything that he had been feeling since her unjustified death, the therapist never judged but let him talk. Something that no one had done before.

He booked himself into rehab and sobered up earning his six month chip and they had gotten easy from then on in and even met his wife Annie who he grown to love over the course of a year, she understood that he would always love another but he could give her everything else that one needed, a companion, a lover, someone to grow old with and she had agreed loving him with all her heart, the children came two years later first Mary Ann named after her mother who lost her battle with breast cancer a month before Mary Ann's birth, and Brandon was just picked at random, because it had sounded like a good sturdy boys name and Olaf was denied on the first round.

He lived a simple life, anyone would love to have.

He never told anyone, not even the therapist that he how he still felt about her, even after her death. He was in love with a dead person, when he lost Annie everything seemed to become surreal and soon he found himself forgetting things; being confused all the time and both his children had found it best he go into a home because after the recent attempt to cook and almost burned down the house enough was enough.

It had been over fifty years and he could still see her face clear as day, the way she would smile or look at him as if he'd grown a third head and the way she would look if he pissed her off. He knew them all and could see them all, that's what kept him going from time to time, she would want him to. To live for her. It made the days easier, more bearable.

Even then it wasn't enough and he was slipping further and further into the darkness that seemed to want to consume him.

Almost a week later he was more dull than ever his skin almost transparent, his daughter had whispered through her tears to let go, they would be fine, it was his turn to be selfish that he would feel better if he just let go, he glanced to his son who had never cried had tears rolling down his face as he nodded and held his fathers hand.

He let the darkness consume him as he saw the faces of familiar people surround him; he hadn't seen them in what seemed like a lifetime ago.

He was finally where he belonged.


End file.
